As I predicted last week on this very blog, my team, The Perps, won the SuperFabulous Bowl on Saturday! The humility-challenged favorites, Freshly Squeezed, clearly didn’t practice enough and were upset in their first playoff game by Megan’s Subaru Foresters. We had to win four straight playoff games for the championship, and that’s we did, beating the quarterback-challenged Black Eyed P’s & Q’s, the wildly inconsistent Goldie We So Hawney, the dangerous Teal Patrick Harris’s, and the hard-drinking youngsters from Baby Blue University. None of the games were particularly close, although we trailed 12-0 against Goldie We So Hawney before making a brilliant halftime adjustment, switching to a mostly man-to-man defense and shutting them out the rest of the way en route to a 25-12 victory.
How did we win it all? Our league-high seven rookies (including Kevin Duke, Michael Xavier, and our secret offensive weapon, Scott “I ran track in high school” Williams) improved each week and delighted in their roles. Our receivers, paced by Matt McDonald (the best in the league, for my money), Greg Pakhladzhyan (our lone heterosexual), and Nicholas Reid (my boyfriend) rarely dropped a pass. Our blockers, including Ryan Andaluz, gave us plenty of time to run and pass and even scout opposing players, while our pass rushers (Rufaro Gomwe and Mario Nimock) were simply unstoppable. Our defensive backs (including Michael Gilmor, Sean “I’m needed in the OR” O’Reilly, and Manny “Sticky Hands” Rivera) disrupted offenses and picked off passes. And our beloved center and coach, Phil Clawson, has the best playbook in the league.
Above all, we had a boatload of fun playing together in one of the country’s best gay sports leagues. So did my dog, Casey, who is also pictured above with the team before we headed to Fritz to celebrate a job well done. Who knew the gays were so good at football?